Life Top 10

Let's see if I can catch up on my blog... considering that I have been most neglectful the past few days - weeks - make that a month now!! Nothing terribly exciting happening... which is fairly normal for my humdrum existence! Here are the top 10 highlights for the month!!

1. Yes, I am still proceeding forward with my diet lifestyle change... and have lost a total of 31 pounds now, leaving only 86 more pounds to drop!!
   
2. Attempted to plant some perennial flowers in my front yard yesterday. Hopefully these will actually survive my sad plant growing attempts (did I mention that I have a black thumb?)
   
3. Fertilized my front and backyard lawns (probably a little late getting that done - darn that black thumb).
   
4. Discovered that popcorn really does grow on apricot trees. My tree is in full bloom... too bad I am getting rid of it this year - not really so bad, I hate apricots!! (sorry Mom & Dad)
   
5. Thought I had dug up all of the crocus flower bulbs prior to laying sod in a certain part of my yard a few years ago. Surprise surprise... there are three pretty flowers beautifying that part of my lawn!! Guess I can grow some flowers - just need to attempt to destroy them - then forget and neglect!! Crocus must have powers that supersede black thumb powers (something to remember).
   
6. Cleaned my bathroom. Only took me an entire day to get it done. Not that the room is very large - nor was it exceptionally dirty... just that I was finding it a difficult thing to do on such a nice Friday off work (some "vacation" day, huh?).
   
7. Have one of those bagless vacuum cleaners. Decided to finally read the directions regarding the filter. Says to rinse the filter fairly frequently - and let totally air dry before putting back together. Discovered it can take more than a day to get it to dry - finally ended up putting it outside in the sun yesterday. Carpets still need to be vacuumed!
   
8. Am looking to change insurance providers on my car and home - and also improve my earthquake coverage at the same time. Having experienced firsthand a 7.1 earthquake in October 1989... seen the extent of damage that can happen... I feel it is very important to have earthquake insurance on the home. It's not a matter of if... but when!!
   
9. This morning (before church) roasted a boneless turkey breast - my house still smells soooo good!!
   
10. Last, but not least... my nails are clipped, and bellybutton is free of lint!!

Now you are all caught up with my life. Aren't you glad you paused to read this?

P.S.

Did you honestly think that I could have a blog posting without once bringing up the dreaded word... depression? Yes, I have had periods of depression in the past few weeks... it is in those moments that I truly feel powerless... physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My Bishop (congregation ecclesiastical leader) gave me a priesthood blessing a couple weeks ago. It helped a lot - just wish it would be a more permanent thing!

I find myself pulling away from people, both real and virtual - hence one reason for my bloglessness (is that a word? if not, then it is now!). But even when I am pulling away from others - I still find a need inside to reach out - to offer some bit of understanding and comfort to those I know are also dealing with depression hades.

I seem to be able to offer to them words of truth, comfort and faith that I am not always able to fully accept in my own life. It is a paradox wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma smothered in contradiction... (try saying that 5 times really fast!!).

Easy peazy!

Well, that was easy!! Much simpler than originally anticipated to change the template on my blog. Now it is looking much cooler and more modern up-to-date than it was before!! Really helps to follow blogger template options, and not get stuck in that same ol' blog rut. Notice it still has a "green theme"... because green is my favorite color!!

Sometimes it is better to break out of a routine - think outside the box - and explore new options! Just need to make sure those options are 1) desired, and 2) brings improvement.

For someone who has literally spent decades living in a box - to "think outside the box" is not always a simple decision followed quickly by actions. Usually takes me much prior thought and consideration, weighing the cons and pros of each action in an OCD kind of way. However, in this instance for blog design changes, it wasn't as difficult to make that step! Thank you all for putting up with my blog quirks, and encouraging me to step it up a notch! Now I'm thinking maybe I should actually start putting tags (aka: labels) on the blog postings. Oh fiddle-dee-dee... I shall think of that tomorrow!!

Blog rut

Someone once said... the only difference between a rut and a grave are their dimensions. According to dictionary.com, being in a rut is defined as:

1. a fixed or established mode of procedure or course of life, usually dull or unpromising
2. a narrow or predictable way of life, set of attitudes, etc; dreary or undeviating routine

Ruts are not really made for being creative. Don't believe me? Hey, just take a look at this blog as an example of being "unusually dull" and "dreary"... YES, I am in a BLOG RUT!! You see before you a basic pre-packaged blogspot template (soooo underwhelming and - I admit boring - even if green is my favorite color!!).

Most of my posts are merely words... very carefully thought out words which have gone through countless re-writes (both before, and sometimes even after posting)... normally with a "borrowed" internet photo (predictably in the same place - upper right corner). It has to be perfect - spelling, wording, spacing... I really must enjoy the tediousness of organizing on some level.

I read other's blogs, and am constantly amazed at the creativity out there! Great backgrounds - fun blog post content and layouts - also with interesting blog pages / profiles telling me more about themselves (providing much laughter with their delightful sense of humor!!). I really do admire (and yes... envy) other's abilities to color outside the lines in beautiful and unpredictable ways!!

Meanwhile I seem to repeat the same things over and over again - mostly due to my admitted limited artistic abilities (my school art teachers will confirm this very honest observation). Let's just say that I tend to do things in a very predictable and ordered manner - always working hard at staying within the lines.

Probably one reason why I used to do a lot of cross-stitch (before carpal tunnel smacked me). Cross stitch is an orderly manner of putting another person's design onto perfectly weaved cross-stitch cloth - just squares, colored floss and a detailed pattern to follow. And of course, I always made sure the backside of the cross-stitch was "almost" as perfect as the front. Again, you don't believe me? Why do you have doubts?

Okay, I am breaking with my standard blog protocol here... and posting personal, just taken photos of my last cross-stitch project (the friend's "baby" I was making this for I think has graduated high school by now) - and look at me!! I am not placing the photos in the upper right corner!! Woohoo - I'm getting creative??!!

Front view

Back view

Front close-up

Back close-up

Do you believe me now? I have come to know that my organized, predictable, slavish attention to details trait curse that I possess - is a huge obstacle in overcoming certain things. It makes it very difficult to make and accept changes in perceptions - because my mind has already ordered, categorized and filed them away in the cabinet of beliefs.

The whole process of picking out the stitches leading to depression, and re-doing the work is painful and time consuming. However, I must believe and have HOPE that in the end it will be worth it - and that one day I shall look at the cloth and wonder how something could have become so wonderful.

Blog learning curve

I have been reading various BLOGS lately, and
noticed something VERY interesting...
a blog posting concept that - until now - has NOT been found on MY blog.

Did you know?
there are actually people OUT THERE
who spend time to vary the CAPITALIZATION,
size, font style, and
color of text in their blog entries ?

I on the other hand appear to be quite pedantic when it comes to blog writing...
MY text appears to have the blaaagghhhs...

- no creativity - no imagination.

I keep telling myself that it is content and not context.
But so far repeating that mantra hasn't convinced me - well not totally.

Hence this "experiment" with a moresupposedly creative look to a blog entry.

I don't know about this...
it is A LOT of WORK - and for what?

I think that after all this effort I shall in the future be quite content to continue in my little plodding blog world ways. And continuously repeat to myself that mantra about it being "content over context". It is a lot easier in the long run - and by focusing on one thing - perhaps I will actually develop into one of those amusing "must read her blog" kinda people!!

Anxiously waiting

Anxiously and frequently throughout the day I check my email and blog to see if someone, anyone, has posted a comment yet. Some glimmer that what I have written has been deemed acceptable. In a sense I suppose that I am searching for a personal validation (a pat on the back, if you will) that my thoughts are of value.

Then I find that I must stop and re-examine my motives. Why did I start writing this blog anyway? Was it for gratuitous flattery from others to boost my own pitiful ego? Or, was it a means to get me writing again after an almost 2-year hiatus? In many ways I think it is a combination of both. Shallow as it may be - I still possess a basic human craving to know that what I do, and what I say, has value in another's eyes.

For my inner, higher, more altruistic self - such feedback holds no real meaning. But I must confess that at this point of development in my life, I am a bit more egocentric than that. Please do not take this the wrong way - I am not begging for praise. It is quite obvious that my blog postings are of great quality and can fully stand on their own (wink wink).

However, should you be so inclined.....

Unlike other blogs

Unlike other friend's blogs where they entertain using amusing stories and anecdotes from their children, husband, and pets -- this blog will be different as I have none of those entities in my life at this time - with the one exception of my pet, Bunny (you can read all about Bunny in a posting on my other blog... click here).

Therefore I am relegated to either talking exclusively about myself (big yawn / boring) --- or taking advantage of my friends and steal events from them and their weird life experiences to talk about. So to protect the innocent (or guilty as the case may be) - I shall be using coded names for these friends (see list on the right).

I must start out by giving due thanks to both ET and LOPC for their inspiration and influence to start this blog. So, if there are any who oppose my musings... you can blame them!! And thanks to CM for help with my current nom de plume.

In the beginning...

In the beginning a blog was created, and it was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the blogspot. Then Messy Musings said, let there be words: and there were words. And behold the words were good.

And thus all who come forth to A Mess of Musings shall obtain knowledge from such random thoughts as deemed worthy of posting. And joy shall be in the hearts of all readers. And thus we see a new beginning is had in the land.