Weeds

I hated pulling weeds as a child... seemed like such a pointless effort. As soon as you think you are finished, suddenly more weeds magically appear overnight. Some say that pulling weeds builds character in children - but I always thought it was child slave labor at its worst... and aren’t there laws against that?

My parents were absolute prolific gardeners, with the entire backyard a veritable veggie farm (providing many opportunities for weed pulling character building). My Dad’s philosophy was... if a plant or tree didn’t provide something to eat, then it pretty much wasn’t allowed on the property.

I still hate pulling weeds, and at times allow them get way ahead of me. There is always that voice in the back of my mind reminding me of how futile my efforts are. Within a few short days the weeds will be back in full force, and I will need to start the process all over again. What is a weed anyway? Pretty much a plant growing where it is not wanted... undesirable, unattractive, and valueless.

This has led me to consider all the different weeds I have allowed to grow in my life garden that need to be pulled. There are a plethora of weeds - which through neglect or procrastination - have grown and matured; sinking down roots and choking out more desirable elements.

These weeds are a mixture of things like bad habits and distractions, along with other thorny plants. My life garden is quite overgrown and not looking the way I would prefer. If I will but allow the Master Gardener to take over - learn to listen to and recognize His guiding voice - this weed-patch of mine has the potential of becoming a much grander and more peaceful garden than any I can conceive of.

The garden He has in mind for me is painfully implemented as long nurtured plants are ripped out... deep holes dug here and there... boulders placed where I bruise myself stumbling along a changing path. Trees of all kinds planted in locations I am not so sure about... and a large variety of unfamiliar seeds.

Having faith in His expert design for my life garden does not make it easy. I pray for the strength to endure the whole weed pulling complete garden overhaul. I originally thought to make a small simple cottage flower garden - and instead His long term plan envisions a Garden of Eden.

April showers

Recently I read about someone who had a brain tumor. They were told that there was high risk involved with surgery, and the outcome could not be guaranteed. On the other hand, if no surgery was done - then death would come in a few short months. The person opted for surgery and is doing well now.

I sat and pondered this scenario for several minutes before coming to the stark conclusion that, faced with a similar situation, I would totally forgo surgery. I think this must be one reason why I have been given relatively good physical health, when compared to others that is. Oh how easy it would be to just let nature take its course, and offer a fairly quick sweet release from living in hades (for that is how I often view this mortal realm). Apparently someone has a reason for my still being here - I just wish I knew what the heck it is.

If you have read some of my past blog postings, you will know that I have gone in and out of clinical depression since I was a teenager. If I tell you that this year I will turn 46 - perhaps it will give you an idea how long of a battle it has been. Sometimes I just get so tired of swimming against the strong current of depression. Looking back, this time last year was by far the most intense and darkest episode of depression I have ever experienced. I am in a better place now than I was then, thanks to counseling and medication - both things for which I am grateful. But being in a better place does not mean the depression is gone - just tempered.

With quickly approaching anniversaries containing painful reminders - I worry about memories triggering a descent into darkness once again...

• May 8 - Mother's day
  (my Mom is gone - I am not, nor will I ever be, a Mom)
• May 15 - Mom's birthday
  (she would have been 77 this year)
• May 19, 2006 - Dad's death day
  (five years ago this year)
• May 20, 2002 - Mom's death day
  (my parents died four years, and one day apart)
• May 30 - Memorial day
  (a day to remember the dead)

So far so good, no severe depression events or serious suicidal thoughts, But I do really want to either run away (and not stop) - or just sleep through everything (which is itself a form of running away). It has not been a good week (and it is not even close to being over).

One bright spot is that I have hired someone to take care of my yard work for me this summer. I have zero motivation to work in my ugly yard this year (not even planning on a veggie garden either). The cost will be so worth it, even if it means I'll be eating ramen or oatmeal for a few months to help pay for it ;-)

Well, it's getting close to midnight, and I'm finally tired enough that I can quickly fall asleep. Lately I've been staying up late to tire myself out - which seems to be a better alternative to laying in bed letting my thoughts drift around before finally falling asleep. I still wake up about the same time every morning (darn internal alarm clock) - and I've never been a morning person. So watch out! I'm sleep deprived and cranky... approach with caution!

Tension wire and tushies

You know how when see a line of posts with wire strung from one to the other - when you reach the last post in the line there is quite often a tension wire angling down from that post - down to the ground and secured somehow. This is done to help keep that last post equally pulled upon from each side - thus allowing all the posts to have equal tension, help support each other, and none of them fall down.

This is the concept my Dad used along the south side of my home - to provide a place for the grapevines to hang onto and grow. There are steel T-posts stretching from the front corner of the yard with barbless barbed wire strung from post to post - all the way to about the middle of the backyard. The starting point of the wire in the front yard is connected to a chain link post, set in cement (that ain't going anywhere). But, when you reach that final post in the backyard - my Dad used this tension wire technique using a very long steel stake he drove deep into the ground.

This steel stake only sticks up a few inches - and I have often tripped over it, and the tension wire attached to it, a number of times in the past. But last night I gave a truly spectacular tripping performance that is not to be matched (hopefully) anytime soon!!

I had my little Mantis roto-tiller out and was merrily chomping away at the offending weeds in the backyard. I was walking backwards (because that's what you do with this tiller to get it to dig into the ground) - and totally failed to remember this tension wire (it's not like it is at eye level you know). Needless to say I stumbled, let go of the tiller (which stops rotating when you do that - thank goodness or this could have been much more disastrous).

In my unsteadiness I plopped down tushie first - and was duly reminded of the tension wire when one tushie cheek attempted to "sit" on it. I say "sit" - but in fact it was a serious and extreme hard tushie to wire contact that occurred. Let's just say that I'm sitting and moving somewhat gingerly today as a result. At least it didn't give me a wedgie - but I'm positive there's a fairly serious butt bruise (which I can't see - 'cuz my neck and body aren't that bendable).

My plan of attack is to place one of those steel T-posts there where the tension wire connects with the steel stake in the ground. This will serve as a more eye level visible reminder of the backyard hazard. You can stop laughing now... it's not nice to mock someone who is in pain!!

Rotating

It is the simple things in life that we tend to take for granted. For example: sleeping, sitting, standing, walking, or even just getting dressed in the morning. But, when one of your appendages has received an injury - a whole new experience in pain accompanies simple tasks once taken for granted. Yes, I have been the recipient of such an injury... an inflamed left rotator cuff.

The good news is that it only hurts when I move that shoulder. The bad news is that one cannot go throughout the entire day (or night) without moving the shoulder. Thank goodness for anti-inflammatory drugs - and even greater thanks that it is only inflamed, and not torn (which would require surgery).

But the human body is adaptable so that things can be accomplished using slightly different methods. It also provides the world's best excuse to not do certain yard work tasks!! I only hope I don't get too used to the enforced laziness - after all my yard doesn't have far to go before it descends into total weed dominated anarchy.