My #1 deadly sin

The seven deadly sins are:

• Lust
• Gluttony
• Greed
• Sloth
• Wrath
• Envy
• Pride

Each of these sins deal with not only actions - but also very much with thoughts and desires. The vision that comes to mind when considering "gluttony" is that of someone who is over-indulgent and over-weight due to over-eating. However, gluttony does not apply only to appetite for food. When "wants" overcome "needs" we are not just guilty of over-eating... but of over-desiring.

I am a glutton - I freely admit it. My gluttony problems refer less to food, and more to my thoughts and body capitulating to addictive desires for meaningless so-called "entertainment". How many precious hours have I squandered in the act of devouring such empty activities as computer games, television, or just browsing the internet? Yes, I am a glutton for mindlessness - even as I desperately attempt to justify my wasteful actions.

• I'm too tired to do anything but sit here
• I deserve this break
• This is a good television show (but it is in reality substandard mediocre tripe, soon to be forgotten)
• I'll do that other thing tomorrow - or maybe the day after

I am convinced that procrastination walks merrily hand-in-hand with gluttony - they make quite the co-dependent pair.

The more I give into these thoughts - the more I seem to desire rolling around in the gluttonous non-action of doing absolutely nothing productive or useful. Laziness at its finest! I do understand the need for downtime - a release from the pressures of life, and recharging one's batteries. However I also believe that if I am not careful, my gluttonous behavior will eventually lead to a full and unconditional surrender - and then what?

Instead of always giving into the gluttonous appetite of my brain's pleasure center and cravings for mindless entertainment - moderation in all things needs to be my mantra! Never give up, never surrender - Temperance shall become my name!!

Mind voices

Do you ever feel like you just don't belong anywhere? Kinda like you are operating in analog, while living in a fully digitalized world - not quite fitting in (and certainly not fully functional). At times I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin - because I know this person I am now is not my true self. She was hidden, or lost, a long time ago (at least it seems that way to me).

I am not really able to exactly remember my true self - the being I was before coming into this mortal realm. Once in awhile I see brief glimpses of her - she is quite spectacular! Then my mind voices harshly tell me it must be a figment of my imagination - and I often believe those cruel voices.

Yes, I have many voices in my head, and they tell me all sorts of things. Some are true, but many are totally false. How can I determine which of those voices I should heed? That is something I am still trying to learn - which can often be a painfully difficult process. There are times when I wish those conflicting mind voices would just go silent - allowing me to ponder and think without interruption!!

I have noticed there are many people who attempt to escape their mind voices using various self-destructive abusive means and behaviors. Then there are others who believe so fully the mind voices, that they lose their current and future selves. Trapped they are not able to see past their own distorted thoughts.

I have decided to not attempt an escape, but instead to take the difficult path of confronting the distorted mind voices - insisting that they prove themselves to be true before I believe them. It is not easy, and I am often deceived by my own mind voices. However with patience and persistence it is my goal to silence the deceitful mind voices, thus allowing the clear voice of my true self to finally come to the forefront. I am sure that I shall be quite bruised and battered before reaching the end of this chosen path. But there is a small voice inside that keeps whispering it will be worth it.