Sun through the clouds

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;

Thy fate is the common fate of all,

Into each life some rain must fall

Some days must be dark and dreary.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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I love going outside after a rainstorm as the sun starts peaking through the clouds! The air is fresh and the whole world appears to be somehow new. My favorite are cleansing spring or summer showers, where afterwards I can sense the stiring and delight in the sounds of nature.

Oh the lessons I have learned from the storms in my life... things that I would never have learned or experienced in any other way. If possible, and God willing, I never want to live in that same storm again... but am so grateful for what I was taught in those dark nights.

I have also recently learned to appreciate and love emerging from the cocoon of life's rainstorms. Have been experiencing a new and cleansed point of view of the world, and of my part in it. Spreading my wings, I delight in the small and simple things that seem to go un-noticed until after the long storm is over.

Believe it or not... (and I for one certainly have not always believed it)... Life Is Good!! Embrace the bad along with the good, and in the end it is the good which will eventually win the day (week, month, year, decade...). For me it has taken decades living in darkness - and now finally the light is starting to peak through those clouds!

Am certain there will still be clouds and storms in my future... for into each life some rain must fall...  but I need to remember the sun is always shining behind those clouds - and it is the Love that God has for all His children (including me)!! The sun peaking through the clouds in my life recently has reached a point where as of last week, I am now on 1/2 dose of the anti-depressant medication!! (but still the full dose of L-Methlefolate - and I'm so okay with that).

The greatest adventure is what lies ahead.
Today and tomorrow are yet to be said.
The chances, the changes are all yours to make.
The mold of your life is in your hands to break.
~ Author Unknown

Storm on the horizon

It was the summer of 1977, and I was 12-years-old. My Aunt JoAnn wanted to take three of her children on a road trip to see some LDS church history sites in Illinois and Missouri - but she only had 4 or 5 days total vacation time to drive there and back. Two of my cousins are within six months to a year of my age, and knowing it would be a fabulous experience for me - my Mom convinced my aunt to take me with them on the whirlwind car trip.

My aunt and an older cousin did all the driving - going straight through that first night - the next morning I woke up somewhere in Nebraska. It was the first time I had ever been where there were no mountains to be seen anywhere - just a huge empty sky and unending flatness. I remember feeling uncomfortable, and a bit frightened. I wanted to return home to the safety and protection of my mountain valley - to escape that vast nothingness. It wasn’t at all familiar to me, and I really didn’t feel like I belonged there.

This event of long ago was brought to remembrance last night as I pondered the reasons why I almost seem willing in a way, to slide back into depression when given an opportunity. It came to my mind that the darkness of depression had become a familiar place to me - a place where I have lived so much of my life (decades really). Leaving that state of being behind, now living in this new world of light and color seems almost strange, at times uncomfortable and a bit frightening. This is going to sound weird, but it is almost like a "homesickness" in a way. As miserable as it was (and is) to be in that darkened depressing world, at least it is a very familiar place for me. Better the devil you know kind of thing.

Now that I can better see this behavior trait, I am aware of the need to work harder on accepting this new state of being as my real home - to become familiar and comfortable in a world of light and color. I need to be more aware and better notice when the mists of darkness appear on the horizon. I can sometimes in advance see or feel it coming. That is then the time to gird on my armor, and have a ready battle plan on how to move out of the storm’s path - rather than allow it to engulf me.

I am quite certain this will not be an easy thing to do - but then nothing this past year so full of changes in thoughts, perceptions and attitudes has been easy. The Lord never said life would be easy, just that it would be worth it. I still have a long journey ahead of me - so if you see me sliding unawares back into the darkness... shout out your best sounding battle cry to help me remember to come in from the storm!!