Into the battle

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

The Charge of the Light Brigade
~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1854)

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In this mortal life I am doing daily battle with the front and center enemy... depression. It is physically, mentally and emotionally draining, accompanied by finite strength and motivation. Being responsible and strong all the time - all day, every day - with constant decisions about anything and everything is very heavy and wearing. I may be moving slow, yet still get up and prepare the best I can for the day’s fight. When there is not one ounce of energy or desire left - something inside keeps me going.

Yet there are times when I just want someone else to take the helm and make all the decisions for me - is that too much to ask?

     “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

A pronounced longing for the promised rest is often present - wondering where and why it seems to be hiding. Depression gives a very believable illusion that the heavens are sealed shut, where prayers bounce off a low hanging lead ceiling. But I hold tight to my faith that He is listening, and it isn’t just a one-sided conversation when I talk to Him through prayer many times a day, and always in my heart.

     Jesus, Savior, pilot me
     Over life’s tempestuous sea;
     Boist’rous waves obey thy will
     When thou say’st to them, “Be still!”
     Chart and compass came from thee;
     Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

     When at last I near the shore,
     And the fearful breakers roar
     ‘Twixt me and the peaceful rest,
     Then, while leaning on thy breast,
     May I hear thee say to me,
     “Fear not; I will pilot thee.”

Hymn: Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me

Let there be light

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
~ Genesis 1:3-4

Last weekend I became the very excited (jump for joy & dance around the house kind of excited) and proud owner of... a new kitchen light!! Not just any light... but one located over my kitchen sink!!

You see, I have been without a light there for about a year now (my old one finally died). I know - horrible living conditions - how could I possibly endure it? When you do not have readily available the necessary monetary means - nor do you have any visible home improvement skills - you just deal without a light fixture in that location. And you remind yourself that there are people in this world who don't have a kitchen or even running water (that really puts it into perspective).

(sort of like this light - but much better looking!!)

After saving money - much looking around - decision making - I finally purchased a few months ago a beautiful "brushed satin silver fixed track light fixture" (say that five times really fast). This past Saturday, two dear friends, and wonderful neighbors, came to install the light for me!

He brought the necessary handy professional electrical skills to bring light once again to the darkened sink area. She brought with her the light of her amazing spirit and love! Together they are always a light of hope and love in the lives of so many people lucky enough to know them!! I highly value their friendship which is, and has been, a tremendous gift and tender mercy in my life!

Amazing what little bits here and there were so visibly illuminated when the physical light was finally shining forth!! Not to say that the kitchen sink area was abhorrently dirty... but there were definitely noticeable some previously darkened corners that could use a bit more elbow grease!!

This got me thinking about another source of light that comes into our lives - a much greater light than the physical ones we may have in our homes - and even greater than the light of the sun on a clear summer day! Amazing what little bits become so visibly illuminated in our lives when the spiritual light of Christ is able to shine into the darkened corners of our existence.

As grateful as I am for truly loved friends in my life... I hold an even greater and deeper gratitude and love for my Savior, and the light He freely shares with those who choose to know Him. Even during those times when I may be living in depression's grasp of darkness, and am at times unable to see or feel His warmth and light - I know He is constantly reaching out with His healing light of love. It is this knowledge that keeps me going, especially in those times when I most want to give up.

Spaghetti parable

The first food spillage on my new carpet happened the other day. Like that first ding on a brand new dream car, or a tear in your favorite jacket - it can be a traumatic experience. And of course it had to be spaghetti, oh dear!!

Everything happened in such perceived slow motion - but obviously not slowly enough to have sufficient time for grabbing the plate. It was a heart stopping moment as I watched it plop on the floor.

There it was - pasta with tomato sauce oozing into the carpet fibers. A red stain already in process before I could get the mess shoved back onto the plate. Grabbing paper towels and clorox wipes, I was able to lift off most of the sauce from the carpet. Each towel and wipe used so briefly before grabbing a fresh one - and each one in turn immediately transforming from pristine white to red.

Hoping there was carpet cleaner in the broom closet - I yanked open the door. And there it was, a gleaming never before used can of carpet cleaner! I hastily read the instructions, and followed them as best I could. I dare anyone to find the mishap spot now!!

As I thought back on this event, I have reflected on how there are parallels to repentance and the atonement of Jesus Christ. The process of repentance is analogous to my trying to use paper towels and wipes in cleaning up the mess. There was a small degree of success, and it was certainly much better than immediately after the spillage. However, to be fully successful required the cleaning power contained in the can of cleaner. It was that which truly lifted the stain, and restored the beauty of the carpet.

In life we can do all that is within our own power and abilities to repent from our mistakes. But it is only through the power of the atonement - given us with eternal love by sacrifice of Jesus Christ - that we can fully clean and lift the stains from our body and soul.

...though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. ~Isaiah 1:18

How grateful I am for the blessed gift of the atonement in my life. Without this, I could never with my own efforts alone be able to clean away my sins sufficiently to once again stand in the presence of my Heavenly Father. It is my greatest desire to again be enfolded in His loving arms, and to hear Him say... "Welcome home, daughter."