To languish or wallow? That is the question.

What is it about the word, languish that I so much identify with myself? In particular on days like today. I have good intentions, and a list of things that need to be done - and yet I languish in a chair for going on 10-plus-hours now, doing nothing really productive (unless you count attempting to lose myself in online mindless games). Languish: to lose vigor and vitality; to be or become weak or feeble; droop; fade.

On days like this I just want to fade from life - from reality - from stress - from the world in general - from myself. I feel maybe I need someone to encourage me to get up and get moving. But let’s be honest here... I would probably tell them to, "Mind your own business!! Go away and leave me to wallow!!" (now there’s another good descriptive word, wallow).

I languish, I wallow, I simply waste away precious hours and days. In my mind’s eye, days like this epitomize true laziness at its finest. At least that is the way I perceive it - and I berate myself about it over and over again - saying vicious and unkind things in my mind. Things that are directed solely at myself, and my obvious lack of anything resembling worth.

Knowing from whence these false thoughts originate doesn’t always help free me from a mind and body that is constantly fighting against what at times appear to be overwhelming massive blobs of depression. The impenetrable mists that chokingly block out all light, and leave me rotting in a well of darkness. How’s that for descriptive? Care to join me for tea sometime here in my abyss of misery? I thought not... run quickly away from here - run for your life! Please don't worry about me, I'll probably be back to a reasonable semblance of sanity by tomorrow (I hope).