Choice and consequences

Every choice and decision we make in daily life has consequences associated with them... the good, the bad and the ugly (sometimes all three, and sometimes all at once). Recently it has been my choice to stop taking anti-depressant medications, which have been a part of my life for many years now. They served a very valuable purpose, and I do not regret the decision of having taken them. But now have chosen to take a different path.

Why am I doing this? There are several reasons, most important among them has been to finally allow myself the ability to accept and face certain previous life events without the mental and emotional anesthesia provided by those medications... which to a certain extent have actually prevented or inhibited necessary healing and learning.

Please know that this decision was not made lightly - and I did taper off the medications under proper clinical guidance. But with all prescription medications there are side-effects associated with both taking and stopping them. The main problem for me has been trying to separate out medication related side effect symptoms - with those stemming from facing and dealing with certain past life events. I've done the research on all of these, and there are so many symptoms which are very much common in nature. Here's a small sampling of reactions I have been dealing with the past number of weeks. Just so you know, nothing here is listed in any particular order.

• anxiety / nervousness
• nausea, stomach cramps
• confusion
• irrational fears
• rapid, pounding heartbeat
• irritability, hostility or anger
• worsening depression
• troubling thoughts
• highly emotional
• impaired concentration
• over reaction to normal situations
• overall malaise or feeling generally unwell

Trying to pull it all together has been more difficult than anticipated - but I do not regret this decision. Eventually, given some time and effort, there will be a leveling out. Until then please be patient, and know that I really am trying.