Just sayin'

For the past few years now I have been collecting short thoughts and observations about life and depression. Many of these are written by me, others were gathered from one place or another. Some are funny (at least they are to my strange and dry humor), but mostly they are just true to one degree or another. And many of them I probably will not be posting on facebook, so of course into my blog they go!!

These are listed in no particular order, which really goes against my "must be organized" brain... but I'll get over it. Please note that I did delete a number of them, because the post was getting way too long (it's still long, sorry 'bout that). Am apologizing in advance if someone takes offense at one, any, or all of these.

• Is medicated for your protection.
• This will be a good day. This will be a good day. This will be a good day. Yeah right, I don't believe me either.
• My head is a dangerous neighborhood, and I should never wander there alone.
• Everyday I say I'm okay. Everyday I lie.
• The smile you see on my face everyday is fake. You may wonder how I can fake it so well - just know that I have been practicing for a long time.
• There are days, like today, when I wish I could just disappear - and see who would really care.
• Hiding from the world sounds good right now.
• Depression is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign that you have been trying to be strong for too long.
• Am thinking it's time to disappear for a while... a LONG while.
• Hate that feeling when you are absolutely sure you've hit rock bottom - but you keep on falling.
• Am tired but don't want to go to sleep - because then tomorrow will be here and it starts all over again.
• If you ever see that I'm having a down time, don't ask me what's wrong. Just give me a hug, and let me know that you truly care about me. In other words, lie.
• It's hard to smile when everything feels so wrong. But it's even harder to tell people why it feels that way.
• Ever feel like you're sinking in quicksand, and nobody is around to pull you out?
• Fake smile, check. Fake laugh, check. Fake sparkle in my eye, check. Pain hidden inside, check. Ready to lie to the world again!
• Ever feel like you just don't belong... that you shouldn't be here... that you shouldn't exist?
• I'm just... really tired.
• Someone once asked me - "Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?". I replied, "Why do you assume I see two roads?"
• Just breathe - because sometimes it's ALL you can do.
• Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake... good.
• Sitting here thinking, "what did I do to end up like this?"
• Have learned that it's better to just say you're okay than try to explain why you're not. How do you explain something that you don't know yourself?
• Know I'm good for something... just haven't found it yet.
• Just when I think I've hit rock bottom... the floor collapses under me and I keep falling.
• Sometimes I smile to make the others around me feel good - and I laugh because I want people to think I'm alright, when I'm really not.
• The people who laugh and smile the most are the ones in the most pain. Laughing and smiling isn't just the best medicine, it's the best disguise
• Sometimes you feel like you just want to die - but in reality, you just want to be saved.
• Just when you hit rock bottom and think you can't go any lower... OH lookie there's a sink hole.
• Do you ever feel like you're stuck in quick sand... and the more you struggle and try to get out, the faster you sink?
• How do you take the next step - when you don't know where you're headed.
• You might not be able to tell, but each and every day is a battle for me - and one of these days I might lose.
• Sometimes what doesn't kill you only makes you wish it did.
• Definition of Depression: a slow evil monster that every time it appears to be gone, it sneaks back (sometimes with a vengeance).
• I will do as I have always done... endure.
• Sometimes you don't need someone to pull you out of the darkness... just need them to sit there with a candle, letting you know you are not alone.
• Telling someone with depression to "get over it", "quit living in the past", or "snap out of it"... is like telling someone in a wheelchair to get up and walk - or asking a blind person to just look harder, and they will see it.
• "I'm fine" -or- "I'm just tired" - are the biggest lies I have ever told.
• Am looking forward to the time when I can laugh and smile at the same time... and really mean it.
• Got up this morning, took a deep breath and told myself that I can do this. That feeling sure didn't last very long.
• I'm broken... thanks for asking.
• Wishing for the waves of sleep to come crashing over me -- so I may fall into a dreamless unconscious, and finally obtain sweet oblivious peace.
• Had a bad dream once that I tried to wake up from and couldn't. Then realized oh wait!! I'm awake and this IS my life.
• Am looking forward to something to look forward to.
• Think maybe it's easier to keep the wall up... dig a moat... and add piranhas.
• Wonders how strong God thinks I am for putting me through all this.
• I'm a survivor!! Every day I have Depression AND everyday I survive it!! May not mean anything to you, but it means facing another day for me.
• Have a hard time understanding why I feel the way I do some days - but have come to realize that each time I make another day, I've won the battle (but the war goes on)
• Words cannot describe how I feel right now, *sigh*
• I must be wishing on the wrong star.
• Sometimes I just want to get in the car and drive 'til my sanity returns.
• Just. Can't. Do. Today. May I be excused?
• "Are you OK?" - "Yeah, I'm just tired." The perfect excuse.
• When people ask if I'm "okay" - I tell them I'm "fine". Then I laugh because I almost believed my own lie.
• Sometimes silence is the loudest noise
• Some wounds are invisible - but they are more painful than the ones you can see.
• Wish I had a reason to go to work other than paying for bills - and a reason to go home other than sleep.
• What does it say about life when I have to bribe myself to get out of bed in the morning - with the promise that if I make it through the day, I can go back to bed?