Bubble left of center

The other morning while driving to work, that thought which has frittered away in the back of my mind for decades burst itself to the full conscious level.

Can’t quite put my finger on it, but I know there is something wrong with me - disconnected and off balance - you might say I am a “bubble just left of center”.

Some might think this indicates "uniqueness”.  Maybe so, but in a dissociative way (distorted and unreal) - kind of like I’m trapped in an MC Escher drawing with no visible way out.

At least his two dimensional drawings (sincerely attempting to be three dimensions, all the while messing with your brain) are located somewhere outside of the box I used to live in. Numbly I go through the motions and activity of life, and think I might be getting somewhere - only to seemingly start over again, and again... caught in a loop.

I have been asked to teach a women’s class (Relief Society) at church this coming Sunday. I love teaching, and honestly look forward to these rare opportunities... but for some reason this time my stomach is all tied up in knots. Probably due to the lesson topic: Rescuing Yourself. How can I lead a discussion with others about rescue, when I do not knowingly find it in my own life? Experience indicates that the teacher usually learns more than the student - hopefully it will prove true this time as well. But inside I just want to pull the covers over my head, sleep, hide, and maybe cry.