Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
~Nat King Cole, Smile
It is so much easier to hide behind a smile, and tell people that “I’m okay, just tired” or that it was just a rough day at work. I have had decades of practice with this tactic, but when did those lies stop working? It was when I started telling other people about having severe clinical depression. After that most people don't believe me and now question when I say I’m okay or just tired.
However there is a great desire to not spread depression’s misery, or cause others to worry. It can put quite a strain on friendship to always respond truthfully that things are often not all that okay. Am fairly positive others are tired and frustrated with hearing about it - and tired and frustrated with trying to offer encouragement all the time... believe that I would be if in their shoes.
Therefore I choose to not lose, or diminish, or wear out, or drive away friendship... I need the love, interaction and contact with others. So the smile is making a comeback in my life, and sometimes I shall be hiding behind it. Fake it 'til you make it, right? Don't worry about me... I'm fine, just tired.
Disclaimer: this new "smiling put on a positive face concept" may or may not carry over to what I choose to write here... after all this blog has become an outlet for healing, part of my self-preservation personal therapy regimen.
I can relate to the "I'm fine, just tired" response, because I say that a lot. And I, too, don't want to overburden friends with the nuts and bolts of how I really feel. It's difficult to strike a balance sometimes in how much to reveal about how I really feel.
ReplyDeletespeaking as one of your friends, I can definitively say that we're NOT tired of hearing about it! I always want to know honestly how you're feeling and if it's been a good week or not. I know I can't always do anything to make it better, but I still like to know! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with all y'all. It IS a hard balance to find. Sometimes I just don't want to tell people how I really feel because I don't want to talk about it. It takes too much effort to talk when you feel down.
ReplyDeleteBecky, I love you and am thinking of you. Hang in there!